Birth partner checklist: what to do during labor, stage by stage

By Jeff Novick · Updated November 7, 2026 · All guides

A birth partner's job changes every few hours, and the stage you are in decides what helps. This checklist runs from 36 weeks through the first week at home, one stage at a time, for whoever is supporting the birth: a partner, a parent, a friend or a doula. Read the next stage while the current one is still going.

Before 36 weeks

• Read their birth plan with them. For each line, ask what it means to them and what they want you to do about it.
• Fill in your own partner birth plan: what helps, what to avoid, your signals, who decides what.
• Car seat installed and checked. Route, parking and the after-hours entrance known.
• Bags packed, including yours. Three printed copies of the plan, insurance card, ID.
• Numbers saved and on paper: care team, backup support person, whoever has the other kids or the pets.
• Ask the care team when they want to be called, in their words. Write it on the plan.
• Practice two comfort measures: counter-pressure, a hip squeeze, slow breathing, a shower routine.
• Agree on how decisions get made if the plan changes, and on a word that means "give us a minute".

Early labor, usually at home

• Note the time contractions start and roughly how far apart they are. Do not time every one yet.
• Make sure they eat and drink something, and that you do too.
• Rest if it is night. Distract if it is day: a walk, a film, a bath if the care team said it is fine.
• Do not rush to leave. Follow the care team's instructions for when to call and when to come in.
• Set up the room the way they want it if they are staying a while: lights, music, quiet.
• Quietly handle the logistics (pets, kids, work messages) so they never have to.

Call and go

• Call the number on the plan. Give the name, the due date, how far apart contractions are and how long they last, plus anything else the care team asked to know.
• Bags, phone, charger, the plan, the snacks, the pillow from the bed.
• Drive calmly. Stop for a contraction if they ask. Park where you planned.
• At check-in, hand over a copy of the plan and introduce yourself by your role.

Active labor

• One job at a time. Pressure, water, a cloth, a hand. Ask "this?" rather than "what do you need?"
• Breathe with them through contractions, slower than feels natural. Keep your voice low.
• Bathroom about every hour. A position change now and then, unless the care team has asked them to stay still.
• Guard the room: lights, sound, door, who comes in. Ask staff to introduce themselves.
• When something is proposed, ask the questions from the plan: what, why, what if we wait, how long do we have.
• Say their preferences out loud when they cannot. Once, kindly, to the person who can act on it.
• Phone face down. Eat something. Sit when you can. Tag out to the backup person for ten minutes if you need to.

Transition

• Stay close. Short words only: "you're doing it", "one at a time", "I'm here".
• No questions that need a decision. No jokes. Nothing to take personally.
• Cold cloth, sips of water, hair back, steady pressure where it helped before.
• If they say they cannot do it, tell the care team what you are seeing; it is often a sign the end is close.

Pushing and birth

• Help with positions: a leg, a hand to pull against, whatever the care team and they want.
• Mirror or no mirror, announcing the sex, cutting the cord: do what the plan says, and check in if the moment feels different.
• Camera ready only if that was the plan. Otherwise, be in the room, not behind a phone.
• Say what you see when they ask, and nothing alarming when they do not.

If a cesarean happens

• Ask to be with them, and ask whether skin to skin in the operating room is possible.
• Sit by their head. Talk to them. Narrate what is happening if they want that.
• If the baby goes anywhere, go with the baby, and tell them you are going before you go.
• Keep the first photos and the first details for them: time, weight, who was there, what was said.

The first hours

• Skin to skin, quiet, feeding help if that is the plan. Hold off the call list if they want.
• Make the calls in the order you agreed. Send the one photo they approved.
• Write down what happened, in order, while you remember: times, words, who did what. It is the start of your version of the birth story.
• Eat. Sleep in shifts. Ask the staff what they need from you before you lie down.

The first week

• Keep the "what to watch for" list from the care team on the fridge, for them and for the baby, with the number to call.
• Own the meals, the visitors, the other kids, the medication schedule and the appointments.
• Protect their sleep and yours. Accept every offer of help with a specific job attached.
• Tell them, every day, one thing they did during the birth that you will not forget.

None of this is medical advice. Follow your own care team's instructions on when to call and what to watch for; the checklist leaves those lines for their words.

Questions people ask